Spitting and why it's effective

Say one time, you were arguing with your woman about how she shouldnt try to deal drugs out of your bathroom. While you are conversing with your bud about the situation, she darts between you and punches you in the jaw as she walks on by. Incensed by the fact that you just got suckerpunched, you weigh your options.

• Hit her back and risk imprisonment and gain a reputation about "smackin hoes."


• Yell but, essentially do nothing else.


• Attempt to jump over your buddy and spit in the face of your attacker.

I chose option C. I believe i came out on top due to the fact that you may not remember why i spit on you but, you'll always remember that it happened.

Spit and anger go together like Nick Nolte and a DUI. It just works. Want the last word and can't think of a good zinger, spit. Spit near them, on them, into them, it doesnt matter. It's better than any slang that ever scooted out of your word hole.

Of course it's also like waving a red hanky in front of a bull. Use your spit wisely, like for girls. so you dont hurt um. cause thats wrong. spitting.

Things that piss me off....

I can't think of a damn one. It's like, I started a blog to get some stuff out in the open in a humorous manner and all I could come up w/was the dreaded circle of wrinkled, wobbly that is "The EL." Kind of a bummer.

Oh here's one, cross talkers. Yeah i think i just made that name up but i really dont give a rip. These are the fucking people that when you're talking to um on the phone, they are talking to someone else too. The worst is when they call you and then they are talking to a random other person. Then you got to repeat every damn thing you just said cause they did hear you.

Me: "Hey bud, what's going on?"

Bud: "Not too much, just thought I'd call and let you please stop licking the carpet there it's all wet."

Me:" What carpet? Why the hell would i lick the carpet man?"

Bud:"Oh, I was talking to the dog. Anyway, I was gonna see if you wanted to booze it up later?"

Me:"Oh, the dog, yeah that would make more sense, I was gonna say, you know you could have been talking to me but, i would have had to wonder how you knew i was with your mom last night. HAHAHAHA!

Bud:"....."

Me:"You get it dude?"

Bud:"....."

Me:"It was just a joke man but, yeah i'll booze."

Bud:"........Oh, sorry man i wasn't paying attention i was watching this old Nsync video. They really wernt that bad man."

Me:"Yeah I'll booze dude."

Bud:"Rock on. I mean i was totally gonna play but that guy was ripping through people like MJ Fox in Teen Wolf.:

Me:"Huh?"

Bud:"Sorry man, i was talking to this dude about some b-ball. Alright C-Ya!"

Me:" We boozin or what?"

Bud:"Yeah sorry I was saying by to my mom, she said Hello by the way."

That was irratating and long huh? I used to have a gf who did this everytime she called. My only consolation was that she liked getting slapped really hard during sex so i took out my crosstalk aggresion on her then..........which was pretty great actually.

The Elderly: Suburban Terrorists

For crying out loud, you never know what the elderly will do next. They strike without warning whether it's burning a mule in their slacks while standing in front of you in line at K-Mart or suddenly darting out in front of your motor vehicle on their hover rounds, the elderly are a force to be reckoned with. They've been everywhere and done everything. They've used double coupons on Tuesday when the sign clearly says that they can only use um on Saturdays. Why doesn’t anyone stop them? One word, fear. Fear you say, of the white haired exoskeleton wearing bifocals with pants past their belly button as to show you their prescription orthopedic shoes? Yeah, FEAR! You can't mess w/ a member of "The EL." For christs sakes, somebody would kick the hell out of you if they saw you. They can do whatever they want and nobody can touch them. You see a car driving on the wrong side of the road, first reaction, "WHAT THE HELL! THAT GUY IS A MANIAC!!" Then some lady hears you yell that and says "Leave um alone he's old and his glasses slip off his face while he's driving!" Then a crowd forms around you and you get pelted like a Palestinian till you're bloody for messing with "The EL".

Wait wait wait

Where were all the other kids on Saved by the Bell. I mean you got Zack, Kelly, Slater, Lisa, Jessie and Screech. Where were the stoner kids? Where were the girls that just hated Kelly cause she was dating Zack? I don't exactly get either where Jessie and Screech fit in but, I like where their lives have taken them since SBTB.

Jessie was in the 1st movie that made me want to touch myself before i knew the best ways to do it and the other day I saw my buddy with a t-shirt that had Screech on it wanting donations to save his house. Very funny. Oh and what the hell happened to Slater? Back in the day, he was kinda portrayed as the Bayside Badass and now, he's well, not. It hurts me that he has been sissfied to the degree he has. These tears are for you A.C. I dont know what happened to you but, I'm sure those bastards at Valley are laughing it up.

Let me explain something..

I'm gonna explain why I started this little cove in the blogosphere, cause I was bored. That's right, boredom was it's mother, she consented and then conceived. I'm not the smartest guy in the world but, I sure as hell am not the dumbest. I've looked dumb right in the eyes and said "no sir, i'll have none of your pie." So as soon as I think of something fun to post, I will. Promise. The fun is coming.