Randomness is bliss

I work. Not real hard but, i do work. I get up every morning and go to my job, work for 8 hours or so, then go home. My job isn't hard, it's actually a cake walk man so, why am i gonna bitch about it? Cause i work with people.

Not all people are bad, there are in a fact a lot knowledgeable people that i work with. However, the scariest thing i've ever seen is stupidity in mass quantities. I'm basically a glorified babysitter though, if some of these people were babies, they'd have better excuses to why they can't do their job. Scratch that, actually, i could teach my gf's 2 year old to do this job and she wouldnt ask nearly as many questions.

If something told you to do something, would you do it or would assume something completely different? That seems a bit hard to follow, i'll give an example. If you read something that said, press the L key on the keyboard, would you ask me if you are supposed to press F? No, you would press the fucking L and you would press it because it tells you to, you wouldnt have to ask me a damn thing.

People complain about the work force being to young or whatever but, i'm here to tell you, it doesnt matter who you hire, people are dumb at all ages. Then if you find someone who is well qualified, young or old, and they do their job well and get promoted quickly over someone who was floating along on their senority, people bitch.

Well, this goes out to all people who complain and are jealous of people's success, shut the fuck up. Whine about it all you want, work harder or admit you suck and be happy in your fucking station in life.

This goes to the people who gossip uncontrollably because their life is not as interesting as other peoples and they are mad about it, your pathetic, grow up, shut the fuck up. There are people who thrive on that shit. I dont know man, maybe i'm not compassionate enough about the plight of other people but, seriously, i could give a shit less if someone i hardly know fucked someone i have never talked to. Don't even come at me with that, i'll spit on you.

"Did you hear that Maxine tripped and ended up having sex with Lance?"

"No. I didnt ask."

"Oh, well they did then Lance said he would buy her a dog and he didnt."

"I just want to smoke, stop talking."

"Well, he's a bastard. How can you possibly have sex and not buy someone a puppy."

"You should kill yourself."

"I mean come on, Jared bought Beth a rose bush and she was sleeping with Thomas."

"...."

"Can you believe it?"

"..............*jumps into oncoming traffic*"

That would be sweet, like in that movie Meet Joe Black. I'd go all bouncing around, getting juggled in the air by consecutive cars, then i'd come back as the reaper. .............yeah i never saw that movie shut up.

How bout them (insert your team here)?

I love sports. No problem there.

Here's my issue and really, it's not so much a issue as it is...well, funny. People who don't watch sports, do not understand. My friends, even if they hate sports, will come over when i'm watching a game or a fight or whatever just to watch me get drunk or subsequently get drunk themselves. See, i'm a yeller. I yell at the screen, opposing teams fans, people on the street, pretty much everyone whether my team is doing well or not. Here are some things i've had said to me while watching my favorite sporting event.

"They can't hear you through the screen, stop yelling."- Fuck you. Maybe they can't "hear" me but, i like to think they feel it. Like when a jedi dies, the other jedi's "feel a disturbance," Rex Grossman feels it when i call him a cock gobblin jungle turd after his 3rd interception of the game.

"You keep saying "we" like you're part of the team."- I am part of the fucking team. I bought my Chicago Tribune this morning which in turn means i help pay Derrek Lee's fucking salary (at least till the end of the year it does) . HIT SOME DAMN HOME RUNS!! Thanks for batting .340 this year so far, really, but, you'd help US a lot more if you'd have hit about 14, 15, 60 homeruns by now. I can say all this cause i love Derrek Lee and as a fan, i'm entitled to bitch about a player who is awesome but, should be awesomer.

"It's just a game."- It is just a game. Just a game. Game 6. NLCS. 2003. 5 outs. Pre-pussified Mark Prior. Bartman..............................................anger building.......................................ALEX GONZALEZ IS A STUPID BASTARD FOR BOOTING A FOR SURE DOUBLE PLAY BALL. Anway my point is this, after that disaster of a game, there was another game. I didnt think there was gonna be so i had already made plans to be w/gf who hated baseball. We lose game 6 and i try to ease into a "baby, i'm not coming over tonight because Kerry Wood is gonna pitch in a game 7," she wasnt having any of it.

In summation, i sacrificed my future with a girl that i was w/ a few years at this point, to watch Wood lose game 7. I'd do it again in a fucking second. If you can't handle my fandom, then leave. I'm not part of this team? Sweet Georgia fucking Brown i am.

Sports are fun. I like them, almost a frightening amount.

Could be worse, you could be Van Damme

It's true that i haven't been blessed with a good mood since.......................,huh,.....last Octember but, still, i feel good today. It's finally friday, it's not hot out which in turn means my house wont be filled with the smell of sweat and well, whatever else my house smells like......crap i guess. Since i've been angry lately, today, i'll reflect on some things that made me that way.

Indestructibility- I'm in a bad mood, i'll break stuff. Wrong. Still can't punch through bricks. Damn you Van Damme.

Movies- Everything that has came out in the past month, with exception to a few, has been terrible. TERRIBLE. What the fuck is Miss Potter? Hasn't Rene Tawilliger made this movie like 14 times? You know what the last movie i saw was? Some movie that had the guy who played Parker Lewis (u know, Parker Lewis) playing a freaking serial killer. Damn you Van Damme.

Van Damme- What the hell happened to this guy? Oh yeah,.................cocaine. Everday, EVERYDAY, i look up at the Hard Target banner that hangs in my room and i shed a metaphorical tear for the man who gave us movies like Time Cop, Kickboxer, Bloodsport, and KnockOff. Okay,.........KnockOff was a bad choice.

The Fact i still havent seen one episode of the Office- Hey, you bastards are supposed to be my friends. You know i dont watch real tv. I only watch sports, syndicated sitcoms, court shows, and law and order svu. For shame on those who have dvds of this program that have not lent them to me. Jerks.

Jennie Finch- She can strike out major league hitters, underhanded. She plays for a Chicago team. She's FUCKING beautiful. Oh yeah she's married. Fuck you.

She's probably all gross and bitchy anyway. Probably not though. Damn you Van Damme.

At least I said please...

I can't think of a damn thing to write about right now. I'm pretty exhausted actually. It's wednesday and it feels like it should be....................next year sometime. I'm tired of this week. So i'll just babble aimlessly and blog about stuff that pops in my head. Which is usually what i do anyway.

So, i layed on my kitchen floor for an hour yesterday and stared at the ceiling and i realized something, people are crazy. Not a giant revelation by any means i know but still, they are truly crazy. But if all people are crazy, wouldnt that make them normal? No, they are still crazy. For example, I can't cry. Seriously, i can't cry. I tried. I'm all shook up about some stuff too, can't cry. That's actually kinda neat but, what kind of psycho can't cry? This kind.

Some people have no idea what they are doing with themselves. Ever. When they think they have it figured out, they change their minds. Then they come back to square one, being upset because they have no idea what they are doing with themselves. That's kinda annoying idnt it?
I thought it was, crazy.

Women are crazy. I dont even really have to elaborate. I dont need random fucking girls telling me that "men are just as crazy," cuz i know okay. So, if you're a random fucking girl, shut up please. Anyway, women are batshit crazy.

You think you know me?

This is a rant.

A rant defined by Dictionary.com is :–verb (used without object)
1.to speak or declaim extravagantly or violently; talk in a wild or vehement way; rave

That's what i'm gonna do.

I fucking hate people. Not all people. Just those who think they high and upstanding in society thus believing it's okay to shit on people who are below them. Let me tell you something fucktard, no one is above anybody. You sit on the pocerline pot and drop greasy dung balls just like i do, the difference is i dont wipe my ass with silk. I've got the blue 1 ply that i bought in the bundle pack on sale at K-mart.

I dont feel bad cause i'm not "priviliged" w/money, or someone who will give me money, and i'm not whining about it either. That doesnt make anybody anything. I live my life to the fullest everyday though, it may not be full to you, it's full to me. To say i'm not "good enough" for anybody or anything is preposterous. Who are you to tell me what i am you fucking snob? I'm not "mature" enough. What the fuck does that mean? My preference to beer over wine doesnt make me an imbicile. My preference to a corn dog over cavear doesnt make me a hayseed. And my preference to spit on you rather than talk to you doesnt make a better person.

Almost seems hypocritical right? Yeah well it could be worse, I could have the spit on my face and the emptiness in my heart that dwells within yours. Your selfishness and Hitler demeanor that "everyone should be the way you are", is disgusting.

You are worthless.

END OF RANT

I feel better. More than likely if you know my blogs address this wasnt about you. i'm not gonna spell check anything either cause it puts my own retarded emphasis across.

I don't remember it sucking this bad?

Everyone gets old. It's a fact. Google it or....whatever. Anyway, movies that we liked back when we were kids don't always get better with age. It's a travesty i know but, i gotta tell ya, the garbage pail kid’s movie sucks. Anyone who even recalls this movie right now but, hasn’t seen it in 10 years, is thinking "BLASPHOMY". I don’t know what the hell happened to it but, Dodger is puss, Tangerine is a dumb name for even an 80's chick, and Juice is a total, is a total,.............i have no idea what the hell is with that guy. For christ’s sake, do you remember what that movie is about, A FUCKING FASHION SHOW!!!! Yeah,........ look it up.

I love the Karate Kid, i do, but, Daniel is a fucking sissy. Geez, he whines a lot, A LOT, he's a jerk to a young chubby Elizabeth Shue who you could tell was gonna get hot and leave him ( which she did in KK2), and he learned karate from painting a fucking fence. The Cobra Kai guys train every day, to kill people. Literally man, John Kreese was in NAM!! I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

We always hurt, the ones we love.

TV. Yeah, i like TV. It keeps my mind palette aptly lubricated w/sports, cartoons, and random syndicated sitcoms. I like that.
With that said, movies cut up to be on tv suck balls. I had an argument w/ a buddy of mine for years, and i mean years, that there was an Octopus in The Goonies. There is. I knew there was. Data fucking says at the end of that movie that "da octapus wuz vwery scari." No one acknowledges this.

You see, the octopus scene is in some tv versions to compensate for all the crap they cut out. (The scene is total garbage and rightfully should have been scrapped) There was no readily accessible proof that it existed at the time, we had to wait for the dvd. The dvd came out and i was vindicated. I felt pretty good about this.

Back when the movie Gladiator (russell crowe not cuba gooding) came out, i swear to the unholy god of colon cancer, there was commercials with people playing sports comparing them to gladiators. They were ridiculous. No one believed me. The dvd came out. No vindication. No proof. Blast!
Just on a side note, Corey Feldman was a wierd guy.

Oh and one more thing.......

here you go bob

The circus is calling me but, I can't find the phone.

I should be dead. That's right. I should be buried six feet in the ground with worms enjoying their bountiful harvest that was once my body.

I know it's not really funny to think i should be dead and i don't want to die but, it doesnt change facts. I've dated enough pyschos and had enough random acts of jesus vengeance placed on me that death would really seem the logical thing.

Exhibit A.- I had West Nile Virus. No, I didnt go to a doctor. My roommate told me I had it and he worked in a pharmacy and was in the army. SO THERE! I layed in the shower for 3 days. CURED!!

Number 2.-I don't go to doctors. Or hospitals. Just dont want to. I have insurance and everything.

Part 3.-I had a carbon monoxide leak in my house for 3 months. Good thing my windows at the time were either open or broken or, dead. Worst that happened to me is i got headaches which i in turn took as "maybe i should start drinking so i dont notice this headache." CURED!!!

Four.- Crazy girls. People are like, "maybe you just made them crazy." I would normally agree however, how do i drive a girl to pretend like she's gonna hug then wrap her legs around me and bite me like a vampire on my neck? I was fucking bleeding. That's just a taste of that animal, i'm keeping the rest in the jar.

High 5.-Retardedness. I am retarded. I've been hit in the back of my head by a paraplegic’s crutch really hard for money. I got hit by a car,3 times, by a girl cause i wasnt done yelling at her and wouldnt get out of her way. I jumped out a six foot window like i was superman and then in turn fractured my ankle. To be fair though, i could have hurt my ankle a couple minutes before that when i was reenacting the final fight scene from The Karate Kid w/my roommate.

COBRA KAI, NEVER DIE!!!

Why my stomach hurts.

It's pretty simple actually, i ate too much trail mix all at once. Why did i continue to eat the trail mix? Again, simple, my pride. That's right. Pride.

I was in my bosses office rumaging through the drawers of her desk for something to snack on. I found this trail mix. She told me to go ahead and eat it. Innocent enough right? Could stop eating whenever i want right.

My brain for some reason takes things as a challenge. Like she told me, "no way you can eat all that trail mix." So, I ate all of it. now i'm sick. thanks brain.

Mysteries of the Universe, verse verse verse.

It's Saturday night, you've got a wallet full of fresh pay day cash, you've got no immediate agenda. You're buddy calls you, "Let's do some boozin." You call some other people, they are also interested in contributing to your destruction of the aluminum army. Great. Everyone comes to your place, which you are happy to provide, also not everyone will come equipped w/the nessasary tools to get themselves jumped blitzed, you also provide. Then something happens, whether it's an ordinary night or it's a particularly great night, someone always says "let's head out to the bar." There's something wrong with this. I'm just talking about the person who's hanging out w/most of their friends and has to say "i wanna go out". People always follow that one person. Usually that person is one of the people who didnt contribute to the buying of your beloved rocky mountain nectar but, surely helped to dwindle supply.

Personally, most of the time, I don't see the allure of going out. I'm much more apt to stay in and have a blast than go out and spend more money than i though i would to get mildly drunk. Going out isn't terrible, it just seems like to much of a risk, especially if i'm already half in the bag, than reward. My "mini parties" arent the grand parties of ole but, people seem to like um. I like those people, even the ones that leave but, i'm obligated to stay. Plus, i really don't like half the people that are out. I dont like buying girls drinks. They feel i should cause they spent 2 hours getting ready to stand in a sweaty bar with a 10/2 ratio of guys to girls and only brought 6 bucks. Get a better job, look prettier so more guys will buy those drinks, or maybe don't go out so much. (also, i'm taken so i really could care less). I dont like most of the guys that go out. I remember them all in highschool guess what? Havent changed a bit. Isn't that weird? Nope, i'm not surprised. Hate the music. Who the hell played this Dixie Chix song 30 fucking times in a row? It's been a different song everytime? Country music all sounds the damn same to me.

So here's how it ends up, I go out and buy my beer and end up hanging out with the same people i was hanging out with before doing less of what we could be doing at mi casa because the bar frowns on throwing shot glasses at each other, the dart machine cost 3 bucks to play, and i have to worry about some chick bothering me to buy her another Jaegerbomb because 16 isn't enough. The puke in your hair and that lingering smell of bile and oriental chicken salad says you've had enough.

I'm not saying, I'm just saying.