Spit of the week-July 17th

I'm gonna start spitting on someone (figuratively not literally) every week from now on. I feel it's my civic duty.

This week i'm gonna spit on someone that i've wanted to punch in the face for a while. He's a director of some of the worst movies ever. I mean ever. Plus he thinks he's real good at it. His name is Uwe Boll.

Never heard of him? Ever hear that they were making a video game into a movie? He probably directed it. House of the Dead, Bloodrayne, Alone in the Dark- are part of his masterwork.

Ever played House of the Dead? It's pretty alright. You stand there and shoot zombies. Blood everywhere, nothing wrong with that. Ever see the movie? I did. Bad. Real Bad. It's not even bad cause it was based (loosely) off a video game, it's just bad in general. Bad acting, bad camera, bad zombies ( they jump around like gorillas and stuff?), bad bad bad bad. However, thanks to this movie, i know if i was invited to a rave on an island, i couldnt go. I'm not a ninja. Which, somehow, everyone in the movie is. They are all ninjas man. Doesnt matter if the drunk asian chick or the squirrley american guy were acting feeble and stupid a moment before the "zombie" attack, they are ninjas now that they are in danger and OH BOY IS IT ON!!!

"Fans are always totally flipping out and I understand that the fan of a video game has his own agenda in his head and has his ideas about what is a good movie and what is a bad movie." Referring to House of the Dead, Boll said: "I think I made a perfect House of the Dead movie, because it really shows how the game is. It's a lot of fun, it's over-the-top action."

No you fucking didnt you stupid bastard. What the hell is wrong with you anyway? The movie wasn't fun, it was fucking painful. You did a terrible job with everything. The game has 2 detectives exploring a castle after hearing screams. By your logic, you could do that with any movie or idea. It's like if you were to make a movie about about a rave on an island with ninjas and nazi's and you called it "The Diary of Anne Frank." You're a fucking idiot.

This is my favorite though-When rumors appeared that Uwe Boll expressed interest in a Metal Gear Solid movie, and claimed to have been given a script to read, Metal Gear creator Hideo Kojima responded in his audioblog HIDECHAN, "Absolutely not! I don't know why Uwe Boll is even talking about this kind of thing. We've never talked to him. It's impossible that we'd ever do a movie with him."

He was just walking around saying he was gonna make a Metal Gear movie. Um, no. No one wants you to do that. I can handle you ruining games that didnt have enough depth to have had movies even considered about them but, i would have rather had the juice of Rosie O'Donnell's unfertilized ovary eggs shot in my eyes than to even start to fathom you fucking with the Metal Gear franchise. And personally, i dont even play that fucking game anymore but, you're a jerk and shouldnt be allowed to come near it.

Uwe Boll, I spit on you.

I didnt see the other movies because i saw Guerilla Zombie Attack on Sega Rave Island.